Journal – 6 July 2012

July 28, 2012

I got fired from my job yesterday… It’s the first time I’ve ever been fired from a job.. Adrial seems quite happy about it, as are all my other Guides.

It was very challenging to be at that job that long… I had finished the project I was hired for, my heart was no longer in the work, and I was not preforming to meet expectations… So I had a feeling this was coming.

I feel a bit of sadness, and a little anger, because the conversation around my termination highlighted the view of employees as commodities… That view is outdated, yet still thrashing around in its death throes, and seeing how it can influence people inspires me to pause for a moment and generate s strong wish for these views to pass – now.

For so many years, I tried to negotiate, navigate the waters of trying to please people. Now I realize I am not here to please people like that… So it’s always been a struggle, in my career… an internal struggle for me. I’m tired of fighting and trying to “make it work”, and I recognize it’s time to start doing what I believe in… And now I see that it releases me from a 3D situation, with only a thinly-veiled appearance of “failure”.

It is actually a huge triumph.

There was an odd aspect to the termination conversation. It felt as if an element of anger had been artificially introduced into the room, as if they felt they should behave in a deeply offended manner: I had not met their expectations. This gave the meeting a rather surreal tone… I saw that this sort of intimidation only works when all parties accept the expectations. When there is a meeting table with one person posturing and indignant, if the other person allows the aggression to simply roll off of them like water on a duck’s back, the aggression becomes neutralized…

This release from the job brings a huge energy shift, and I feel almost as if I’ve been time-warped back into the time before I went back to work. During that time I was focusing on writing, creating artwork, establishing connections… I feel quite confident now that my way is clear and smooth.

This invigorates me…

I’m glad to move on, and am very grateful both for having the opportunity to work on Opry Mills, and the opportunity to now step into the light of what I feel called to help with.